He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
