we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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