We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize