I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
