i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
did i just pee glitter
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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