She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
