3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
