did you get engaged???
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
