is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
