I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
