Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
