let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
