so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
