i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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