so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
