Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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