Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
