You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
