We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
