wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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