i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
