Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
