If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
