Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm getting married
To pizza
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
