Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
