You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Randomize
