Are we in a gay sports bar?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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