I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize