dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
