I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
