So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
