found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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