How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
