At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
