Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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