I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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