I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My breasts were aching with rage.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My vagina just clenched in fear
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
