you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
