i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
