I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize