I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
