Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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