Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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