I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
