Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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