my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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