My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
