i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
