now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
