Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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