I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
