I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
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