He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
