i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
