Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Randomize
