Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
