I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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