ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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