I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
