I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
