I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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