Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
