I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
