I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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