is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
