no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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