...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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