Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Panties = found
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
