You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
