I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize