I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
