I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
