If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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