capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
