I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
