I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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