At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
